After a lovely vegetarian fajita meal last week I was taken out to see Twilight by my flatmates.
Please, for the love of god don't shoot me? I AM on your side!!
It was just as horrific as I'd imagined.
Funny that, remember Mean Girls?
Yeah, that dude up there's the one who said don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die.
So the female lead in Twilight - if you can even call her that, she has next to no choice in anything anyway - is stuck between Vampires and Werewolves. Great choice, huh?
The previous stories included her being attacked for being human by other vampires because she smells just that damn good.
Forgive me, but....
REALLY?
She has to choose between:
Edward - crazy sparkly vampire who can only just control himself without eating her but won't have sex with her unless she marries him and doesn't go to college, leaves her family and friends and dedicates her life solely to him.
OR
Jacob - an arsey pubescent teenager who forced himself on her and resulted in her breaking her hand punching him because of that, [because women are that weak] who clearly can't take no for an answer, thinks he's the bee's knees because he's a werewolf and has long hair.
Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.
Excuse me for not jumping for joy, but it's not much of a choice is it?
And what's more, she basically has no say in the matter.
The men fight over her and they decide who wins.
When she's cold, good old overheated Jacob's there to warm her up, and when she's bored of him, Edward's always there to add a bit of sparkle.
Pun intended.
UGH.
***
SPOILER ALERT!!
She falls pregnant due to not using protection with Edward, AFTER marrying him and dedicating her life to him, and saying goodbye to her friends and fam forever. She realises this and wants to know if it's possible.
Yes, dear. Having sex without protection with a man who has ejaculate, will result more than most occurrances, in pregnancy.
Bravo abstinence-promoting American education system, bravo.
So then the rest of the film is about how the foetus slowly kills her from the inside out, while she insists it's fine, it ends up breaking her spine and reducing her to an anorexic corpse.
So this is what our little girls and - fairly likely - boys are watching?
Clever, beautiful, headstrong women becoming brainless baby makers and wives with no qualifications or future apart from children and a home to look after while the breadmaker's out. Because husband says so.
GREAT.
Please do excuse me while I weep for humanity.
